So Far Away
by BB-Hodgela-slaudia-forever
Summary: When something terrible happens, it's up to Al to pick up the broken pieces
1. Chapter 1

Things were hazy when she woke up, her vision was blurred and she felt a some what familiar feeling that she had been sedated. A pounding in her head that no medicine could fix was evident and she heard the beeping of a heart monitor. It was her heart monitor. She sat up with a start and looked around. She was in the hospital, but why? Did something happen to Al or Mike or Roe or Nina? No, she would remember if something did. Right? She's remembers everything, she'd remember if one of her friends were hurt. She'd remember, she knows she would. Why can't she remember what landed her in a hospital bed then? She grabbed at her head. What had happened? Her breathing became more labored as she tried to figure out what happened. She hadn't felt this way since her sister had died.

"Carrie."

Al's voice calms her fears almost instantly, he's okay. When she looks up, she sees their coworkers behind him. They're all okay. But that still doesn't explain why she's in the hospital with a pounding headache that the drugs aren't fixing and bruises everywhere she's looked. Maybe they'll shed some light on the subject. They have to tell her what is going on, they've always filled her in on everything. They'll keep it up, she knows it. They can be trusted.

"Al, why am I here? What happened to me?"

She sounds more desperate than she was planning on, but it didn't matter; she just wanted to remember. She watches her coworkers make eye contact with Al. He nods his head and they walk in the opposite direction of her room. Why are they walking away? Why aren't they coming in here and sitting around her bed and telling her what the heck happened? Why are they going away? It's her and Al, with no interruptions because he closed the door and she's nearly positive he locked it too. He grabs her hand the second it's in his reach and that's when she knows some thing is seriously wrong here.

"You're starting to freak me out, Al. What happened? Why can't _I_ remember?"

"Maybe your mind is trying to protect you."

She knows she wasn't supposed to hear that, but she did.

"Protect me from what? I'm a big girl, Al, you don't have to protect me anymore."

"_What was that back there? Telling him to back off. If I was a guy, you would've been fine with the suspect saying what he did."_

"_But you aren't a guy, Carrie, you're a kid."_

"_I've gone through more than most people and you still call me a kid. You're a few years older than me, barely three. Why do you still see me like that?"_

"_Because if I say you're still a kid, it gives me all the motivation I need to protect you."_

"_But I'm not that kid anymore, Al. I'm an adult, your girlfriend, but that doesn't mean I can't protect myself."_

"_I'm sorry, okay? But if anything ever happened to you, I don't know what I would do. That's why I'm protective, I need you to be with me. I can't lose you."_

"Carrie, it's bad."

She squeezes his hand.

"I can handle it."

"You were tailing a suspect, I didn't know, you didn't tell me. I would've been there in an instant if I had known, I promise I would've been. You were rounding a corner when he hit you in the head, the temple, it knocked you out, gave you a concussion. He tied you up and…. And….."

He didn't know how to tell her but from the look on her face, she already remembered. He watched as the mixed emotions made their way onto her face. Every realization and pain showed by a grimace or wince. Remembering everything was a blessing but now it would be used against her in the most unnatural way.

"_Detective Wells, not so big and bad now, are you?"_

_She struggled against the ropes that bound her to the bed as her masked attacker talked. She would scream through the gag but she knew it was no use. She remembered where she had followed him, it was too distant for anyone to know. A touch brought her out of her thoughts._

"_This is going to be fun…"_

_She clamped her eyes shut as his eyes traveled up and down the length of her exposed body._

"He raped me."

It comes out as a whisper, a realization. She looks at her wrists, there's rope burns from her struggling. Her arms have bruises so does her chest and abdomen. Al watches helplessly as she examines her body. It's almost like it's a foreign object to her. She feels dirty, disgusting, grimy. She's a cop, she knows to always watch the corners. How did he catch her off guard?

Her legs swing off the bed and she tries to make it to the shower. She wants to run there. She's too weak, her legs collapse underneath her because they can't handle her weight. She lets out a groan in pain. Her fist makes contact with the floor. In anger, in frustration, in pain. How did this happen to her of all people?

"Carrie."

Al is by her side in a second. She goes stiff at his contact.

"Where are you trying to go?"

The tears spring out before she fully comprehends what's going on. Images replay in her head. She can feel him touching her. It's like she's reliving the moment. She latches on to Al, because she needs something that's safe and he's it. He's the only solid thing she has right now. She wishes her sister was here, she always knew how to fix everything, but she's gone. Then she wishes for her mother, but in a way her mother is gone was well. Al is all she has. They sit like this for a while. Her sobbing in his arms, him cradling her like a child, rocking her in hopes of calming her.

"I feel dirty, Al. I need to shower, scrub him off of me."

"You can't even stand up, Carrie."

"I'll crawl if I have to, I can't…Help me please."

The last part comes as a tortured whisper that ends with Al carrying her to the shower. She covers herself the best she can, but he still sees most of her. It kills him to see her so bruised, scrapes and cuts fill her body. The scrubbing she does in the shower just causes her to bleed. He doesn't even know if she's done but her picks her out of that shower and helps her put on clothes that Nina grabbed from her apartment.

"When do I get to leave?"

She's tired, her eyes are closed and she lets out this painful moan, but she still manages to ask. This isn't his Carrie. Not the one he dated or the one that started working for him a few months ago. This new Carrie is exhausted and spent and her body has been put through too much. His Carrie was strong and resilient, but this one seems weak and unwilling to fight through this.

"Doctors want to keep you here for another day to keep an eye on that concussion you got."

"I'll come back to work as soon as possible, I promise."

"No, you don't worry about work. Your position will wait for you. You should rest."

He smoothes out her hair as a sigh exits her lips.

"I don't want to rest, Al."

Somehow through the seriousness of all this, he finds at this moment a time to smile, because her eyes are still closed, so he knows eventually she'll rest. His only worry is that sleep without the sedative will be no comfort for her. He doesn't want her to have nightmares. He doesn't want this to have happened to her in the first place.

"Al?"

"I'm right here, Carrie."

"Will you stay with me? I don't want to be alone-that's how he got to me, because I was alone and vulnerable. I don't ever want to be that way again."

Her eyes open to make contact with his. He sees the tears glistening in them and it just breaks him to pieces all over again.

"Of course, I'll stay, I'm not ever going to leave."

He sits beside her and holds her hand. He feels it go limp, that's when he knows she's truly sleeping.

"_I wish I could remember it, Al, I wish I could've remembered it when it happened."_

_She tells him as she turns the sheet around her exposed body and faces him. He wraps his arm around her waist to bring her closer to him. He begins to draw gentle circles on the small of her back._

"_You will one day, I promise you."_

"_Promise me something else?"_

"_Anything you want."_

"_Don't ever leave me, stay with me."_

"_I'll always stay, Carrie. I'll never leave unless you force me to."_

"I'm so sorry, Carrie, I wasn't there to protect you like I should've been. I promise I'll catch this guy. I promise, he won't get away with hurting you."

He hears the door open behind him and when he turns he sees his coworkers and friends. Nina is leading them and she's the first one to approach Carrie. They watch as she gently brushes her hair away from her face. He would almost swear that she's about to cry but she holds it in some how. He can see how this would be especially hard for her. It could've been her. Nina was the only one who knew Carrie was going. She feels responsible, she should've stopped her.

"We've gotta find this guy, Al. What's our first step?"

Mike asks in an angry tone. They work homicide and Carrie is definitely still alive, but it doesn't matter. No one will take this case from them, it's theirs.

"We have to wait until the process the DNA, see if any results come up, then we proceed."

"How was she when she woke up?"

"Terrible, Nina. She didn't remember, I had to tell her and then she broke. She showered, said she felt disgusting. I've never seen her like this."

"We've all taken days off. We're going to be here for Carrie."

"We may run out of days off, I don't know how we're going to piece her back together."


	2. You said something about don't leave

_His hands were cold, it felt like he had dirt on them as he rubbed up and down her sides, her legs, her arms. He kept touching her, but she wouldn't dare open her eyes. She wouldn't dare let one sound of pain come out of her mouth. She wouldn't dare to give him that kind of satisfaction. But then she felt him inside of her; it didn't feel good like it normally would, instead it hurt- worse than it did her first time. She loses her grasp and moans in pain. It gives him incentive-he moves more. She wants to scream- beg him to stop, but she knows he won't. This is all just a game to him. She tries to pretend it's Al, but Al was never this rough. Pretending doesn't work._

_What feels like hours pass and finally he's done, he's not moving though and for a second she can't keep her eyes closed. He takes the opportunity to hit her on both sides of her face. She bites the inside of her cheek- she does not cry out in pain. He grabs her head and smashes it on the head board. Still no response. So he smirks a little to himself and then laughs. She hears him. He removes the blanket from her and a flood of cool air hits her bare body. She shivers in response._

"_I guess I'll turn on your phone and let Detective Burns come find you in this delicate position. I'll make sure to tell him how you wanted this- begged for me to do this to you. You know some might actually believe me."_

_She hears her phone buzz on, Al will be here as soon as possible- he'll save her. But the man who just tortured her for hours leaves one final blow. A large fist right into her temple._

She sits straight up and her entire body moans in protest. She can't move like that with all the bruises covering her. She feels like a punching bag. She's doomed to remember it for the rest of her life so she grabs onto one of the pillows that she has on her side. She buries her face into it and begins to cry-sob. Before she knows it the light in her hospital room is being turned on and someone is touching her. She's startled and tenses up.

"Carrie, it's just me. You're okay."

Al's voice almost immediately soothes her body, but her crying doesn't stop. She can't figure it out. Why is she still crying? She hasn't cried since Rachel was murdered. Since then she had kept a hard exterior, one that was put down by only the man in front of her.

"Shh, you're okay. Nobody is going to hurt you."

"It's too late for that, Al. I'm sorry for being stupid. I should've told you where I was going. Nina knew, but she knows not to get in my way, if you had known you could've been there. It's all my fault."

"No, it's not. Don't you dare blame yourself. I don't blame you and if anyone gets to blame you it's me. Come on, where's my strong and resilient Carrie?"

She looked down at the pillow in her lap and detached her hand from his, she didn't even remember him grabbing it. She tries to take strong, even breaths in order to calm herself down, but it doesn't really work.

"She's gone, Al. She doesn't exist. He took her away from you…from me. I don't even want to catch him. Just let him crawl back into whatever hole he came out of. Seeing him will happen to me every single time I close my eyes, I can't shake him. I tried to fight back, I promise, I didn't want this to happen to me."

"I never said you did and I know you didn't. Hey, I'm going to catch this guy. I'm going to put him away forever, because he hurt you. He's not going to get away with it. I can't let him live because of what he did to you."

A tear slides down his cheek, luckily she doesn't even notice. But what else she doesn't notice is how quickly his whole state of being is breaking because of what happened to her.

"Was the team here last night? I thought I heard them. When I first woke up I thought something had happened to you, but then I knew it wasn't possible- I would die first. But then I thought about them and thought maybe something happened to them."

He tries to not hear the part of her dying before anything would happen to him, because he felt the same way. He knew nothing could really happen now. She was so broken, he didn't even really know her anymore.

"They were here when I thought you were asleep. I couldn't get them to leave for the longest time, every noise they heard their guns were out. Finally I had to practically push them out the door with the promise that I wasn't leaving. They're here now, waiting on the DNA results to be processed."

"Can I go home then?"

He smiles at her or at least tries to. He doesn't plan on taking her back to her apartment, because he can't stand the thought of leaving her alone anywhere now. He doesn't want to risk something else happening to her. She's so fragile…

"_Al! We got a trace on her cell phone. East Ridge Street, down on the gang bangers side of town. Come on let's go."_

_Roe's rushing him, pulling him in the direction of the door. He barely has enough time to grab his keys and his gun or even think about directing his team into some sort of order. Not to his surprise they're already following him. Somehow his feet are carrying him to his car._

"_Nina, Roe take Nina's car now, scope out the location, set up a perimeter. Mike you're with me."_

_They get into separate cars, but Al can't think enough to put it in drive or actually start going where he needs to be._

"_Al, you and Carrie…you were a thing weren't you?"_

"_Yeah we were."_

"_She break it off?"_

"_You know she did."_

"_You wish she didn't, though, right? You still love her, Al. I see it every single time you look at her. Nina and Roe, they don't, but you love her."_

"_You're right, Mike, but that means nothing right now. I just have to get to her. I have to make sure she's okay. If she's not then I don't know what I'll do."_

"_Then lets go."_

_He speeds out of the parking lot and barely misses a car coming his direction. He flips the sirens on and soon they are rolling through town quicker than they ever have before, running red lights and causing many cars to come to stumping halt. The perimeter has been set by Roe and Nina by the time they get there. Al stops the car and gets out, grabs his gun from the holster, and starts toward the building._

"_Boss, where ya going without us?"_

"_Get my back, but the second I find her you go call our tech guys."_

_His heart was still gripped with a fear that maybe she wouldn't be in the building, maybe this guy had taken her somewhere else and had just left her cell phone there to distract them. He would go crazy if she wasn't here, if she wasn't safe. He kicks down the door and stakes out the building. It's only three stories and the levels barely have rooms. He clears the first floor in a matter of seconds and then he's onto the second. His heart drops when he opens the first door on the second floor._

"_I found her. Call the techs."_

_His voice dropped as he closed the door behind him. He walks up to her. She's bare and exposed; the team can't see her like this. He grabs his pocket knife out of his back pocket and starts cutting the ropes that bind her wrists and ankles._

"_Oh Carrie."_

_He finally gets her last foot free when her eyes begin to flutter open and a moan escapes her lips._

"_Al?"_

_His name is foreign coming from her chapped, dry lips. His Carrie is hurt so bad, barely conscious._

"_It's me, Carrie, you're going to be okay. I'm going to put my jacket on you, okay?"_

_He was wearing a long trench coat, something that would be able to cover her entire body. He slips out of it and somehow manages to get her wrapped in it. He grabs the blanket and wraps her in that too before picking her up._

"_My head hurts so bad, Al."_

"_I know, I'm taking you to the hospital, you're going to be okay."_

"Al?"

He looks up at her.

"Hmm?"

"You didn't answer my question. Can I go home once the DNA processing is done."

"I thought maybe you would come home with me."

"Why would I-"

She's interrupted by the opening of the door and the entrance of their co-workers. Nina is the last to enter but the first to come up to her bedside and pull her into a fierce hug. She releases quickly though, realizing that Carrie may feel suffocated by her. She doesn't want that, but she feels so terrible. If she had just made Carrie wait maybe she'd be okay.

"How ya doing, Carrie?"

Roe speaks because what else is he supposed to do. He just wants to find this guy. Carrie is like his sister, even though he would never admit it, and this terrible thing happened to her. He hates it. He watches as she shrugs her shoulders before grasping the pillow in between her fingers a little tighter.

"I'm okay I guess.."

She trails off and before any of them can say another word Al becomes the boss again.

"We get the DNA results?"

Mike shoves a folder into the detective's waiting hands. He flips through it, slowly and deliberately. Carrie watches as his face falls. She can see how upset he is, she used to love him- still does- she knows his facial expressions better than anyone else.

"What do they say, Al?"

For the first time in two days, her voice sounds strong.

"When matched against those who have committed a felony before there was no match. Which means hopefully our tech guys will be able to match it up. It also means-"

"That I was his first crime."

No one gives her time to start panicking, which they can all see it start to happen. Nina steps in quickly, because she doesn't believe that she would be able to handle watching Carrie break down.

"Look while we were waiting, we grabbed your release papers and I stopped at your place to grab you some fresh clothes."

She holds out her hand that holds a bag, Carrie reaches out and grabs it. She lets out a small smile, because she could sense that Nina needed some reassurance. Al hands the file back to Mike and stands from his chair.

"Why don't you three go to the office and get started on matching this DNA in a different national database. Try to get the clips from the surrounding buildings and make sure you notify anyone who asks that we are busy. No other cases. I want this guy found."

"Yes boss."

Were the three responses. Each say a separate goodbye to Carrie before leaving. He grabs the release papers as his coworkers leave the room. He watches as she attempts to stand to go to the bathroom to change. She can barely stand, she takes a step and then stumbles. He's by her side, wrapping an arm around her side and supporting her.

"I really was trying to do this by myself."

"You can barely stand, maybe I should be questioning your release."

"Please don't, I just wanna get out of here, Al."

"Then come to stay with me. That way I can help you. Please, Carrie, all I want is for you to be safe. You'd be safest with me."

"Fine, I'll stay but only until you feel like I can take care of myself again."

He helps her rest against the wall and grabs the clothes from the bag.

"Let's get you out here."

She looks reluctant and ends up wrapping her arms around her midsection. He shoots her a questioning glance. She's never had to protect herself from him. He's never done anything to hurt her. She was the one to _leave_. He'd never do anything to protect her.

"I don't want you to look at me anymore."

She slides down the wall and curls up in a ball. Her arms wrap around her bent knees. She rests her head on her knees and begins to cry. So he kneels down by her side and brushes her hair from her eyes.

"Talk to me, Carrie, be honest. We can still do that much for each other right? Why?"

Her eyes stare into his and she only sees truth. She'd never lose anything to him.

"I'm hideous."

"Why? Because some guy thought he had the right to put his hands on you, thought he had the right to touch you. You survived that. What that guy did to you doesn't make you hideous. Nothing could make you hideous to me, Carrie. Come on, let's get you home."

Slowly but surely they get her changed into a new outfit. He has to practically carry her out of the hospital, but they make it to his car and back to his apartment. Luckily, it's a two bedroom so there can be no awkward exchanges between the two. He gets her into the bed and tucks her in.

"You should just sleep, Carrie."

"No, no. I can't sleep."

"Why not?"

"Every single time I close my eyes, I feel his hands on me. I see his masked face. I don't desire to close my eyes ever again."

"I'm sorry I let this happen to you. I should've known you'd follow the first lead you got. I should've kept a closer eye on you, like I promised to do years ago."

"This wasn't you, Al. This guy…this guy raped me and there was nothing you could've done. Just stay with me, don't ever-"

"Leave. I know. I won't."

He watches as she fights sleep, because of her fear. She rolls around, her face depicting everything going on in her head, her body protesting the movement. She lets out multiple groans before he puts a silent hand on her arm.

"Stop thinking so much, Wells, just let your mind go blank. I've got your back."

Finally after an hour or so, she falls asleep. Her hand grasping his. He can't let go, he doesn't want to either. As long as she's here, with him, she's safe. That's all he's wanted since he first met her. He doesn't care about anything else. Something sparks in his head.

"_You still love her!"_

"_What the hell are you talking about, Elaine? Who do I still love?"_

"_Carrie. You still love her and I can't stay in this relationship when I know you'll eventually leave me for the love of your life."_

"She was right, Carrie. I still love you."

* * *

Can you believe what CBS did? Those idiots..If you look on my profile there's a link to file a complaint with CBS, please do it. (I'm still hoping that someone buys it from them) Anyways I plan on keeping this story going, along with others. Please review!


	3. It's All the Same

Months had passed and nothing had changed. Carrie still lived with Al, despite recovering fully from all of her injuries. He was still worried about her mental and emotional state, so he wanted to keep her close. She had gone back to work, but found that it didn't help her take what had happened off her mind because they were all searching for her rapist. She started to get sick, throwing up and dizzy, while at the office so Al ordered her to have another leave of absence. For him, a leave of absence meant she was supposed to stay at home and on the couch. But on that specific day she decided to go to her apartment and grab some more clothes. She hadn't been back to her place in months so she expected dust and dirt to have settled in.

But she didn't expect to her door to be unlocked.

Automatically she feels panic settling in, because she's on a leave of absence she doesn't have her gun and right now she needs it. Nina was here twice, maybe she forgot to fully close the door and lock it. But that isn't like Nina, she's not like that. Her heart starts beating faster and she doesn't know how to stop the full fledged panic attack that is coming on. She pulls her phone out of her back pocket and hits her number one speed dial. His voice fills her ears which calms her.

"_Hey Carrie, what's wrong?"_

"I…I'm at my apartment, you have…have to ask Nina….if she locked the do….door."

By this point she's sitting on the floor trying to control her breathing. A year ago or even four months ago, this would not have bothered her. But now that her rapist is still out there, she doesn't feel safe, especially since the apartment building is really quiet, which doesn't happen often.

"_She says she locked it when she left both times. Look I'm in my car, I'm coming just stay on the line with me, it won't take me long to get there."_

It's normally a ten minute drive to get where she is, so she doesn't understand how he can say he'll be there soon. That is until she hears his sirens turned on. Internally she rolls her eyes, because he could get in some serious trouble for using his sirens to get to her quicker.

"_Carrie you still with me?_

"Yeah, I'm here. I just…I'm sorry. I should've waited until you got home to come here. This wouldn't have been a problem four months ago. Do you think I'm crazy, Al? I mean I'm practically having a panic attack over here."

"_I don't think you're crazy. You're scared and rightfully so. The team is still working we're gonna get this guy Carrie."_

"I don't doubt…I just….I'm scared."

"I know."

For some reason she didn't hear him turn off the siren or walk up the stairs, but all she wants to do it wrap her arms around him and not let him go. But she doesn't act on the action, instead when he offers her his hand to help her up she takes it and doesn't let go.

"_Carrie! Where are you?"_

_The clatter of the steps as he stumps on them is evident and echoing throughout the building. The people trying to sleep at one in the morning are probably pissed at this guy looking for this girl. They probably think that they're boyfriend and girlfriend and they had a fight. But they didn't fight, he's just worried about her sanity. Finally he finds her on the roof, back against a wall. She's not crying, she doesn't even seem upset but he can read her better than anyone else._

"_You couldn't of just told me you were up here, so that I didn't have to wake up the whole building."_

"_I was kind of hoping you wouldn't find me…"_

"_I'll always find you. Are you okay?"_

"_Shouldn't you be worried about the suspect considering I punched him pretty hard? Who cares about me anyways. I'm just the female cop, who can't keep her emotions in check especially on her sister's birthday."_

"_I don't care about the suspect, that's Jacobs' job. I do care about you, more than anyone else, don't doubt that. And I'm not mad at you for hitting the suspect, he went to far. If I had been in there I would slugged him too."_

_She starts crying and he takes a seat next to her._

"_You're not okay."_

_She shakes her head, but she can't look at him. She's so ashamed that she couldn't control herself. Al wouldn't have hit the guy, no matter how far he went. But the guy mentioned her sister and she couldn't stop herself. On any other day just maybe, but not today._

"_Is it strange that even after all this time all I want is Rachel? I still miss her, so much it sometimes physically hurts."_

"_It's not strange Carrie, she was so important to you and she loved you so much. It's only natural that you would miss her."_

_His arm is wrapped around her, keeping her safe and protected._

"_Think I'll get fired today?"_

"_If anyone gets fired, it'll be me. I told Jacobs that I told you to do it."_

_Her head rests on his chest and somehow through her tears, she laughs at him. Of course he would do that to protect her. She goes to grab his hand, but she grimaces when she does. She holds her hand out in front of her and realizes it's swollen._

"_I guess I need to take you to the doctor, huh?"_

"_Can we just go home? I'll ice it, but all I want is to be in your arms right now."_

She pulls herself from her thoughts long enough to see him pull his gun out and push her behind him. He opens the door and makes sure the closets and the bathroom is clear. Everything is clear and it doesn't even look like anything has been disturbed, until her hears Carrie's shaky voice.

"Al!"

He comes running and finds her staring at her kitchen table. He doesn't understand until his eyes catch something on the table. It's a note with something attached to it. The note reads: _"So many things to remember me by. You'll need this, Detective Wells." _He doesn't touch it just like her because they both know it could potentially be evidence.

"You should call the tech guys, they need to swipe for prints."

She doesn't say anything about what it means and neither does he. But just by the way both of their demeanors changed, they can feel the massive elephant in the room. _He's been in her apartment, where else has he been._ The fact is that they need to find this guy now, because what if he's following her. What if he knows every move she makes? What if he knows Al has been leaving her at home? He could get to her again.

"You're coming to the office with me every day now."

"Al, you can't let him scare you. I…."

"Carrie, he knows I've been leaving you alone, he knows that you were going to come here today and who knows what else he knows. We don't even know what's attached to the note. You're coming into work with me and you'll do some desk duty that way you can have your gun back."

She knew she was close to hysterics, but what she didn't realize was that he was close too. Finally the tech guys show up and so does their team. Nina starts apologizing before anyone can get out a word.

"I'm so sorry. I promise I locked the door both times. I made sure of it. I don't forget these kind of things."

"Nina, it's fine."

Carrie can't manage to say anything else especially since the tech guys are making noise all over the place. She gasps when Al grabs her hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. He's always been like this with her, but she feels like it's different because they aren't together anymore and it can never be anything more than a reassuring hand hold or a simple arm wrapped around her waist in protection. They couldn't go further even if they were together because she can't fathom having another man touch her in the way this unknown guy did. It ruins ever trying to be with another man again. The thought of it scares her, to the point of practically having another panic attack.

"Detective Burns, the lock has been tampered with, that's how the guy got in."

The tech guys approach them.

"Did he leave behind any finger prints?"

"No sir, we'll check the whole apartment if you want us to, but normally if they aren't on the door they won't be there."

The tech guys aren't as invested in Carrie as the rest of the team is, so they don't really care one way or the other as long as they get done their job. Roe some how manages to answer before Al can.

"No you need to check the kitchen too. And make it snappy."

Al, Carrie, Nina, and Mike find themselves laughing at Roe and the leadership role he is trying to play. They know that he just wants to find this guy. He has even made Al feel like a slacker, because he's been working overtime and finding leads every day. So far the leads haven't ended up any where but at least they know Roe is trying. They watch as the guys go off to the kitchen, brushing off the table and the surrounding area. They get done pretty quickly and report back to the team.

"The item on the table can't be entered into evidence, because there isn't anything to go, so you're free to do whatever you want with it."

"Thanks boys, you're free to go. So are you three."

"What we don't get to see what's in the mysterious box? No fair."

For once, Mike is the one complaining, which in turn makes Carrie feel a little bit better, but not enough. Honestly, she doesn't even want to know what's in the box, because it's just another way for this guy to get to her and harm her.

"Go take these two back to the station. You're in charge, Mike, for the rest of the day at least."

She feels like they think she's stupid, that she doesn't hear the total double meaning of Al not going back to the station. She knows that, in the end, they're both worried about her current mental state and really who can blame them. She remembers everything, even when she doesn't want to. Everything is embedded in her head at all times. So she remembers that day and the pain and the suffering and she remembers enough to want to make it stop. But she isn't desperate enough to do anything about it other than live in her own personal hell every day.

"Carrie..?"

She looks up at him and realizes that everyone is gone. It's just them in the apartment again and she finally feels like she can breathe again.

"Yeah?"

"Are you gonna open this thing up?"

He looks pointedly at the wrapped box on her kitchen table. She walks over to it and grabs it. For a second she pauses, because even though his fingerprints aren't on it he still touched it. She hates that he still can affect her; it's been four months and she's sick of feeling weak. She's never, _ever _felt like this before in her life.

"Yeah I guess so."

She rips the wrapping and is terrified at what she sees. So terrified that she practically throws the item across the room in pure disgust. She starts shaking at the sight of it. Her rapist gave her a home pregnancy test. Everything sorts itself out in her head. She's been sick, he didn't use a condom. She could honestly be pregnant.

"Al…"

She feels like in this moment he is a million miles away and even though she called out for him it doesn't matter. She feels like she's under water and every thing is distorted and not real. But when she feels his hand on her arm, she knows this is real. She knows that everything leading up to this moment is true. Her mind starts to replay the moments, she starts to lose her grasp. _She could be pregnant. _

"Hey, you're okay. You're right here with me."

He pulls her back from her memories, because he can see the look on her face when she goes back. He can't look at the object in her hand because it pains him, he doesn't want her to have to go through this. He keeps a hold of her, hoping to hold her to this moment instead of letting her go back to the past.

"Can we go home? I don't want to take this here, where he was. I don't feel safe."

"Yeah, sure, come on."

The trip back to the apartmentis silent. He doesn't dare speak about this whole thing and she doesn't think she's capable of speaking right now. They get out of the car, they walk up to the third floor and then stop dead in their tracks. There's a note at the door that reads: _"Didn't feel like breaking the lock. Hope you like the results." _He's been there too, he's everywhere. Neither of them know how to get away from him.

"We'll start looking for apartments with better security tomorrow. I want a place where this guy can't get to us. It'll be okay Carrie."

She only nods, because her brain isn't processing much right now. She watches as Al bends down, grabs the piece of paper, crumples it up and throws it down the hallway. She's glad he didn't throw it away, because then it would haunt her. They get inside the apartment and close the door. She only feels slightly comforted when she hears him lock and dead bolt the door. She stands still by the couch in the living area, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. She can't process what she's supposed to do next.

"I think I need to go take this test. I'll be back in three minutes with the results."

He wait's a minute or two and then stands in the hallway by the door to her bedroom. His forehead rests on the door as he tries to give her some of his strength. He listens as she lets out this tortured sounding sob, he wants to break in and take her in his arms, but he knows she needs a moment to collect herself all by herself. So he waits and when the crying stops, he realizes they're thinking about the same moment.

"_Al, I think I'm pregnant."_

"_How? I mean I know how, but we were so careful."_

"_I know...I know, but nothing is one hundred percent effective and I know you don't want kids…and I…"_

"_Where'd you hear I don't want kids from? We've never even talked about kids, you don't know."_

"_Jacobs told me that you broke up with your last girlfriend because she wanted kids and you didn't. He figured it was pretty common knowledge so I might as well be informed too."_

"_You know Jacobs has a__ huge crush on you right? And with Julie…I didn't want kids with her, because I didn't see us going anywhere. But with you it's different. I wouldn't mind having a baby with you."_

_She smiles at him, her fear having vanished by his simple words of encouragement. He wraps one arm around her waist and kisses her forehead. Later that day they go and grab a home pregnancy test for her to take and figure out for sure. In the three minutes it takes for the test to be complete, they can only talk and sit in each other's arms._

"_Do you think the department is going to be mad?"_

"_They already know we're together, sometimes a baby is the next step, honestly they can't stop us as long as we keep our solve rate up which so far we have. You don't worry about it."_

"_We'll have to look for a new apartment if I am, there's no way we'd be able to fit a baby in here."_

"_Don't hold this against me, but I really hope you are pregnant."_

"_Don't hold it against me, but I really hope I am too. So many things will change, but I know we'll be okay as long as we're together."_

_Before he can speak again the buzzer on the timer goes off and their three minutes is up. Slowly, they both get up and go to the bathroom where the test is sitting. For a while, they can't look because they're frightened and scared. With this test, everything can change or nothing can change and for them they want the change. Finally Carrie reaches out and turns the test over. _

_On it is a big, fat negative sign._

He feels the door slowly opening before him. So he stands up straight and watches as the door reveals her tear stained face. He knows she was crying before the results, but he isn't sure she's looked yet.

"Have you looked at the results yet?"

She shakes her head at him.

"I'm really scared. I don't wanna be pregnant. I didn't ask for this and I'm so scared. Will you come with me? Look at it first."

"Yeah, I'll come with you. Come on."

He grabs her hand in his and they walk to the bathroom together. He knows that this will decide how she recovers from what happened to her. He shakes her hand back and forth to try to keep her with him. He reaches for the test and holds it in his hand.

"You ready?"

"As ready as I ever will be."

So he steadies himself, because he's scared too. He's scared for this woman he has loved for a long time. He's scared because he doesn't think she can handle that is on the other side of the stick. He's scared because he doesn't even think he's ready to see the results. But he turns his head and looks her in the eyes. He tries to smile to make her feel better, even though it probably doesn't. He takes a deep breath, steels himself for whatever it is, and turns the test over.

On it is a big, fat **positive.**


End file.
